thoth darn thquirrelth wath out on the frozen patio when a thquirrel in a nearby tree called over to me. “hey,” he thaid, “are you hungry?” “sure” I rethponded, “I could go for a snak” “something smells good, over there, underneath that cover” “oh thats our bar-b-que grill, im not allowed around that” “you’re yellow!” “well im brown actually, but whats [...]

was hangin out on the patio just enjoying the noonday sun and something over in the grass caught my eye. wondering if that could be an offering the squirrels left for me, I got up to check it out but as I drew closer I recognized the shape – this was one of the bones [...]

so im cruisin round the backyard checkin out the perimeter, cause you know, im in charge here when the humans not home. yeah thats right, me. im in charge. made a deal last weekend with the squirrels that if they drop a few apples in the yard from the tree next door then I wont roust [...]

hooray! its pork chops night! thought I smelled them on the grill but the human wont let me get within ten feet of it anymore, remind me to tell you that story some day pork chops are great because theyre meat and fat and bone and I can eat the whole thing and I can eat them really [...]

(with apologies to Melville) Call me Gar-goy-al I sit alone, perched high atop the loftiest vantage point in the territory – our hot tub. As if carved of stone I am anchored here, ready to withstand the strongest wind, pounding rains and powerful burning rays of the sun. Vigilant, enduring, I am a terrifying sentinel with fearsome snarl [...]