Fort Nooter
hiding in my new hideout
life is good
found a place on the planet that nobody knows about but me
its secluded, comfortable, safe, relaxing, and best of all its all mine
no door bells rousing me out of my nap
no birds divebombing me
no telemarketing phone callers wanting me to donate, donate, donate
no lulubelle talking me into a coma
no human trying to make me take medicine
my fortress of solitude
was hanging out on the patio yesterday and a beautiful aroma captured my attention so I followed it and wound up behind the bar-b-q grill. didnt even know there was a ‘behind the bar-b-q grill’ so this was a terrific find. its kinda backed up into a corner of the house so theres not much room back there, just enough for me and no one else. perfect.
its my new favorite place to be
no terroristic thunder can scare me there
no mean ol’ siamese cat can harass me there
no sadistic needle pushing veterinarian can reach me there
and did I mention the aroma? there was a little greasy spot on the ground under the grill that made a fine snak, lick lick lick, and I suspect theres a modest piece of meat caught up inside there someplace; will have to give that some attention later in the day. its like this is where pork chops and hamburgers and chicken and steaks and brats all go to die. rest in peace my succulent, sizzling, savory sponsors.
its cool and shady, a soft little breeze acts like a brush pulling gently over my body
no squirrels allowed either, oh yeah!
can peer below the undercarriage and see whats going on without anyone seeing me, like being a spy. was watching the human running around the backyard looking for me last night; silly human.
have to keep checking it to make sure someone else doesnt move in. its my new hideout now.
“found a place on the planet that nobody knows about but me” - trouble is Nooter - now you’ve told everybody. I’ll keep quiet of course, but not all humans are as trustworthy as me ……
That’s cool, Nooter. Maybe the human will fix you grilled squirrel and you can lick up more greasy spots.
Congrats on the new digs Nooter. Sounds like the perfect place to spend the summer.
I hope your cozy little yard nook is as quiet and free of squirrels as you think it is…happy nappin!
hmmm you have inspired me to go in search of a siren hideout.
I hope you’re happy in your new hideout. Did you bring your slipper with you?
If you roll your tennis ball around in the greasy spot, you can take the snack with you…
hello nooter its dennis the vizsla dog hay watch owt in yore fortress of solitood that lex loother duznt find owt abowt it!!! or wurse jeneral zod!!! becuz he wil come and showt at yoo and tel yoo to neel before zod i saw it in a dokyoomentry wunse!!! ok bye
daddy- oh crap! im always doing stuff like that
geek- mmm…. grilled squirrel… with sauteed mushrooms and baby carrots…
leeuna- thank you, thank you very much
twinky- have at least two naps scheduled for today
siren- follow your nose and your instincts, you cant go wrong
sue- oh, thanks for the reminder
jamie- wow, it sure is great to have great friends with great ideas. thanks!
dennis- hmmm, stupid lex loother. if he comes by i will yell at him to get out
[...] how this odious tripe purports to be humorous is fucking beyond me. Two paragraphs into Fort Nooter and I was on my knees, begging for someone to gouge my eyes out with a spatula. I shit you not. In [...]