Friend Or Foe?
as some of you may know, I was recently given permission to get my very own pet and after scratching my head and my collar I decided to get a fish, and did, and named him ‘floatsam’.
now, one of the reasons I chose a fish is cuz I thought theyd be easy to boss around, and who doesnt want someone in the house they can boss around, right? only its not working out exactly the way I thought it would.
take for instance the very first day we brought floatsam home in a baggie. the human got a clear bowl and I offered to take it into the little room with all the water sources and fill it up from my fresh water supply bowl and he said no it has to be better water than that, so right away this fish is thinking hes some kinda royalty; humph. the human opened the baggie for me and we dumped him in and I leaned in to get a good look and he swam up and bit me on the nose! oh!
then there was this one time when I was trying to watch an episode of ‘its me or the dog’ but the channel kept changing to a cartoon about some dumb lost fish. very mysterious…
and then there was this other time when I heard the human coming home and ran to the door to greet him as usual only there was a puddle of water on the floor and I slipped on it and went crashing into the front door just as it was being opened. the human looked at me like I was nuts and I swear I saw floatsam wagging his tail.
every time I go in there hes looking at me… just looking at me… and when I walk around the room his gaze follows me like one of those spooky paintings. also, when I walk by and get too close to the bowl he spits water at me.
the human said he was going to take me fishing to a lake this weekend but we postponed that cuz the fishing line was all tangled up in the reel and the bait all strangely disappeared. and just now when I went downstairs for a drink out of my regular water bowl there was a little summer cottage submerged in it.
beginning to think maybe this was a mistake and I should bundle him up and send him back to the adoption center at the pet store with a note explaining how they shouldve given me a ‘good’ fish. what do you think?
Nooter, I think there is something very fishy going on with your pet. Keep an eye on him…and a paw if it’s possible. He might be trying to take over your house. Fish do that sometimes, you know.
Flush him down the fresh water supply.
Next time, get a cat.
Nooter I have a pond in my back yard. We have about 20 million fish in that pond. They are big and little. We had one that was really big (I think it was a shark or a great white whale) but something ate him. It’s part of my job to protect those dumb fish. These birds fly in and they are bigger than you can imagine and try to eat my fish. They yell out to each other something like “Sushi lunch at Linda’s House” and they think they can get all my fish and eat them.
When Mom goes out to feed them, they all come to the top of the pond and bow and stuff and say “all hail Queen Linda” so they suck up a lot. Still, it’s my job to keep those flying things out of my pond.
I forget what you said, but I think yore probably right whatever it was. Your friend. Harry.
I think a little bernaise sauce is in order
It’s all a matter of scale really …….
Just knock the damn fishbowl over already. Watch him flop around begging for your mercy. Sometimes you just have to think like a cat, Noot.
I wish I could have a pet fish. I raised sea monkeys once. They all went deaded. Sea monkeys are not real monkeys.
First of all, I love that you named that little turd of a home wrecker Flotsam. Secondly, there is definitely some rotten fish in Denmark and somebody needs to go. Tell your human it’s you, or the fish.
Flush him Nooter, before he flushes you.
You gotta keep a close eye on those fish! We find that most times they are up to no good at all.