the human told me I have to get back to writing my blog or else my friends will find some other pup to read about and I told him I was afraid cuz theres still a ghost in our computer and he said I have to suck it up, which seems strange, so im sitting here and I got a straw and im ready to use it if that ghost haunts me again and, well, here goes.

this is another tale from my youth and an amusing antidote; its a story about how interspecies blind dating may not be such a good idea. once long ago I was sitting in the living room watching the human sitting on the couch wondering when he was going to get up and order me a pizza when I heard my brothers and sisters in the neighborhood having quite the ruckus.

went outside to see whats up and found there was this big black cat in our backyard. now you have to remember I was really young and naive and didnt understand cats are basically untrustworthy, so foolishly went over to investigate. this cat appeared to be some kind of hippy; had long shaggy hair and a white racing stripe down its back, thought maybe even it could be a nascar roadie. wondered if she could introduce me around the racetrack and maybe I could get a ride in one of those really fast pickup trucks they race in, so went over to her to introduce myself and apply a little of the ol’ nooter-appeal.

right away she was real stand-offish and hissy and I have to tell you, had on absolutely the worst perfume ever. I mean this stuff made the little hairs inside my nose curl up into fetal position. and not only that, she was wearing it by the bowl full like she had stock in the crappy foreign company that made it. my dreams of riding in back of a racing pickup truck were powerful so held my breath and approached her. was going to open with one of my best lines ‘hello, I lost my puppy, will you help me find him? think he went into that cheap motel over there’, only I guess I was kinda staring at her tush a little too long cuz she got huffy and turned away from me.

in fact she turned away so fast she splashed some of that cheap nasty perfume right onto me. didnt want anybody to see me out there like that so I ran inside to the human and began rubbing my head on the carpeting trying to get that awful perfume off me. the human immediately jumped up and shouted and picked me up and carried me back outside, then went in and locked the door behind him. that made me feel even more embarrassed and also I noticed the hippy cat was gone, so began to rub my head on the grass to unstinkify myself.

pretty soon the human came back outside and he had a sack with him. he took out of the sack a couple big cans of tomato juice and I thought this was a strange time to start making toasts, but then he did something completely unexpected- he dumped the whole can of juice right on my head! all of it! then he opened the other can and did it again! well after that I got a regular bath with super cold water out of the garden hose and my no-flea-for-me shampoo and conditioner and after that the stinky perfume smell was gone.

I remember the human wouldnt let me upstairs for quite awhile, something about fresh new carpeting. to this day ive never had a ride in back of one of those racing pickup trucks and often wonder if id approached with a better opening line, what couldve been?