Dog Eat Dog
this morning the human said he was going to have hotdogs tonight and if I behaved today I could have one too. now ive heard the rumors that nobody really knows whats inside a hotdog so I decided to look it up online. whats the harm, right? so I gooogled ‘dog meat’ and was shocked, shocked! at what I found.
someone named wiki reports that dogs like me are actually bred and consumed in certain places. holy crap! it says thats part of their culture. thats not culture; jay z and brewery tours and midnight movies and stamp collecting and riding in back of a pickup truck, now thats culture.
…but hotdogs are so yummy…
think I understand now what happens to my brothers and sisters who go to get youth-nized but you never see them again. theyre not really going to a farm where they can run and jump and have fun, are they? its a trick to make them think theyre going to relive their youth when theyre really being forced to take their place in the food chain.
…but when I smell hotdogs cooking it makes my lips get all drooly…
it makes sense now why more and more pups I see at the park are fat. waddle when they walk fat. hanzel and gretel fat. it makes sense now why the commercials I watch for dog food tout nutritional value instead of whats really important to us, like flavor and whether or not theres gonna be seconds. its cuz the nutrition is for the humans.
…but the moist, chewy consistency makes it so easy to eat like a dozen all at once…
im onto this dirty little secret now and im gonna do something about it. you know what im gonna do? im gonna contact charleton heston, thats what im gonna do, he will know how to handle this crisis. gonna email his blog and face page right now and get to the bottom of this. right after I finish eating some of these tasty green crackers I found in the kitchen cabinet.
Don’t eat the hotdog Nooter - it smacks of canibalism.
Oh, Nooter. I’m sorry you had to find out that way. Here’s some more snacks for you, Buddy.
I’ll never eat another hot dog, Nooter. I swear I didn’t know. I hope I didn’t eat somebody’s brother already. Ohhhh. The guilt, the guilt…..
You should totally race against Kobayashi, or whoever that hotdog eating kid from Japan is, the one who wins the hotdog eating contests in Coney Island. Then you’ll be an important celebrity and never have to fear getting whacked. And you’ll get to eat all the hotdogs you want- woo hoo!
Canabilism seemed to work out okay for that soccer team that was stranded in the mountains. They became famous.
I hate to break the news to you Nooter but Charlton Heston is dead ……. you could dig him up and put him in a sausage I suppose? Waste not want not ……..